


i've lost a piece of me in you

by takenbadgering



Series: gordian knot [1]
Category: Dream SMP - Fandom, Minecraft (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Bittersweet Ending, Canon Compliant, Canonical Character Death, Diary/Journal, Family Secrets, Floris | Fundy-centric, Fox Hybrid Floris | Fundy, Ghost Wilbur Soot, Ghostbur, L'Manberg | L'Manburg on Dream Team SMP (Video Blogging RPF), Manberg-Pogtopia War on Dream Team SMP Spoilers (Video Blogging RPF), Memory Alteration, Mental Health Issues, Not Beta Read, Parental Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), Past Character Death, Past Relationship(s), President Toby Smith | Tubbo, Self-Discovery, Trans Floris | Fundy, Uncle Technoblade (Video Blogging RPF), Wilbur Soot and Technoblade and TommyInnit are Siblings, past trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-01
Updated: 2021-03-01
Packaged: 2021-03-13 20:47:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,286
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29781879
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/takenbadgering/pseuds/takenbadgering
Summary: Fundy finds Wilbur's old diary. It gives him more questions than answers.Luckily, Phil is willing to fill in the blanks.Maybe, just maybe, this is what forgiveness feels like.* written, and therefore set, during Tubbo's Presidency after the Butcher Army *-title: Losing Face by Wilbur Soot
Relationships: Floris | Fundy & Niki | Nihachu, Floris | Fundy & Phil Watson, Floris | Fundy & Toby Smith | Tubbo, Floris | Fundy & Wilbur Soot, Technoblade & Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), Technoblade & TommyInnit & Phil Watson, Wilbur Soot/Sally the Salmon
Series: gordian knot [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2188992
Comments: 3
Kudos: 95





	1. every time that i miss you (i feel the way you hurt)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [itsmespooky](https://archiveofourown.org/users/itsmespooky/gifts).

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> title: Your Sister was Right by Wilbur Soot

* * *

It’d been months since Tommy was exiled, even longer since Wilbur and Schlatt died and Technoblade more or less vanished. Logically, Fundy knew this. But that doesn’t really change how he felt, in the moment, descending the now-slightly-rotten stairs into Pogtopia. 

Niki was in front of him, holding the torch that lit their way. She had her shield up, prepared for mobs to have spawned in the darkness. When an arrow embeds itself in the spruce wood, Fundy draws his own bow, aims, and fires into the darkness. There’s the telltale rattle of bones hitting stone that tell them the damned thing is dead. 

They exchanged tense, appreciative smiles and continued. 

They passed a small wall of signs. He catches his own name, Niki, Wilbur, Quackity, Tommy, Techno, and whoever the “guzzle brothers” are, on one sign. He noticed Karl, Dream, and Schlatt’s are on another. Below both of those was a sign that just says, “EVERY FUCKING ONE”. He can’t place exactly why, but it all made him very uncomfortable. 

Niki nudged him and they kept going. At the bottom, they successfully killed a creeper before Niki passed him some torches for himself. Tubbo had sent them to see if there was anything left behind that they could utilize or any personal items that should be returned to their rightful owners. Privately, Fundy was pretty sure he hoped something of Tommy’s would be found, so he’d have an excuse to talk to him without Techno being suspicious. 

They split up. 

Fundy dug through Techno’s old potato farm but all the old crops had long spoiled. Though, he’s surprised to find all of the redstone still intact. He decided it could be useful and began to dismantle it. Once that was done, he decided to take home a few of the now-poisonous potatoes, figuring he could probably prank someone. 

He found nothing in the next couple rooms. It was mostly storage rooms, and pretty much everything in it was unusable; even the chests and barrels themselves had mold and mildew growing on them. 

At the end of the main portion, though, Fundy found that the nether portal, while missing blocks, was still nearly all there. So, he pulled out his pickaxe and began to work at the obsidian. 

When he was nearly done, he heard Niki call out for him. Wiping sweat from his forehead, he turned and started towards where he could see her torch giving faint, glowing impressions of her tied up hair and shoulders. “Yeah?” He asked upon reaching her, having left his own torch back by the old portal. 

Niki bit her lip and hesitated, before motioning to the room they were standing in front of. Fundy glanced at the propped open door and frowned slightly, confused. “It’s Wilbur’s old room,” Niki finally said. Her soft voice bounced around the stone, making it so much louder than normal. 

Fundy’s mouth was suddenly very dry. “I can’t…” 

“You don’t have to, if you don’t want to.” Niki shook her head, looking away. “I already looked through it. Besides finding 9 stacks of unused TNT,” she paused to swallow thickly and Fundy couldn’t tell if it was just the lighting or if she was crying, “And his old guitar...” Fundy noticed now what she was staring distantly at: Wilburs guitar was propped against the wall under her hanging torch. She took a deep breath and continued. “Besides those things, there was this.” She slowly handed him a flimsy, slightly charred, leather-bound notebook with a silver necklace, with a small sand-filled vial at the end like a pendant, balanced on top. 

“I can’t take these,” He started to object. She stopped him with a single look of raw emotion. 

“Wilbur—the real Wilbur—would want you to. I’ve known- knew him for a long time. He would want you to have it now,” She said with that quiet firmness he could never deny, “Besides, I found it in the fireplace, so I doubt Ghostbur wants it.” 

Unable to deny her, he took the objects and slid them into his backpack as gently as he could. 

It took Fundy a week to work up the courage to open the book. Though he had spent many nights just holding it, he had been too terrified of what he would find to do anything. _But this night would be different_ , he told himself. He didn’t have work tomorrow, so if what he read made him spiral or even go into shock, he had a whole day to recover. 

He was sitting on his couch, cozied up with his favorite blanket. The book was sat in his lap and the necklace was on the end table next to him. Nothing had happened yet, but he already wanted to vomit. 

Finally, _finally_ , he opened the book. First thing he noticed was that many of the first pages had been messily ripped out and there were splotches of ink around the page too, making some words unreadable. The spine was damaged there. The first actual page was missing it’s bottom half, as well as there being another large gap in ripped out pages afterwards. Though, once you get past that, except for the occasional ink blot, it was mostly intact. Regardless, he started on the torn first page and read every couple pages or so from there, reasoning that Wilbur would probably have added things Fundy never needed to know about his mother and he didn’t want to risk reading something so horrible any more than he had to. 

* * *

26 February  
It’s late right now, but i just had to write this down.   
I’m sitting next to Sally while she sleeps. And gods above, I could write ballads about her forever. For future reference, note:   
> her long red hair (red like a raspberry),   
> tan sk▒▒ (weathered, from ▒▒▒ at sea),   
> that wild look in her eyes (when she grabs me I never know if she’s gonna throw me off the ▒▒▒or kiss me. ▒▒so poggers),   
> callouse▒▒▒nds (years a▒sea, also kn▒▒s her way around a sword ;) ),   
> can't forget her ▒▒▒ and t▒▒ (somet▒▒s▒▒▒e▒▒▒rrs and▒▒ uwu) 

30 June  
I finally convinced her to settle down with me! I know it won’t last, but still… I hope she stays long enough to see our little girl grow up. Puffy is handling the▒▒ips, so that helps.   
Either way, I play songs for my precious ladies (▒▒▒▒nd Flo▒▒▒ every day. The rocking makes her▒▒ick and she says my songs help. He’s an unfinished ballad I made up on the fly today! It’s horrible!   
_The waves pulls us in, but a different home of is in my mind  
_ _I hope you can still remain, when the shore calls_ ▒▒ _r name.  
_ _Oh darling, won’t you stick around? I’ll write you a new song every day,  
_ _But I know you need that high tide_ ▒▒ _ighting your path,  
_ _Wind in your hair. So, I can wait for you. I would wait forever for y_ ▒▒ _  
_ Told you it’s so cheezy and corny. I’m bad at writing songs, worse at playing them. Maybe ▒▒ e day, I’ll be good. Who knows? (but probably not)   
Anyway, Dad is meeting us when we land (hopeful ▒) next week. I missed Tommy’s 9th bir ▒ day, but I do have a gift for him. I sent Dad a letter asking him to bring Tommy along so I can give it to him in person, but if he doesn’t come, tha ▒▒ okay too. I kno ▒▒ Dad will get it to him safely.  
God, I miss steady land, Dad, Tommy, and Techno. Hell! I even miss Schlatt! That bastard was alw▒ys such a good cuddler! 

8 July   
We are on land!! An ▒▒ ad, Tommy, AND Techno all came! ▒▒ was so nice!   
I introduced everyone to Sally and vice versa ▒▒ ommy pretended not to care, but I could tell he di ▒   
I had made a small cabin for us, but with Dad and Tech around, they help ▒▒ me make one so much better. It’s near Clay’s land (but into the woods more) though I hear he goes by Dream, nowadays. ▒▒ eard Tech talking to him and he seems different from what I remember him being like when we were young. Strange, ▒▒ ut we all gotta grow up at some point, right?   
At dinner Flor▒▒kicked and the look on Tommy’s face wa▒ priceless! We all teased him about it nonstop for the rest of th▒ night. Though, before he went to bed▒▒▒ave him his gift. He loved it! Just like I knew he would! (a signed photo of the queen of the country▒▒e▒homestead is technically in, remember?) 

12 July  
▒e are married now, so am I Wilbur th▒▒▒▒on o▒▒▒she Sally Soot? 

9 September  
I’ve been supe ▒▒ busy! Been adding the nursery to the house, helping our new neighbor move in (his name is Eret ▒ nd uses any pronouns), Team Rocket (Puffy n Schlatt) visited before Schlatt got kicked out of the marketplace in town ▒▒▒ ream because he was being obnoxious.   
▒▒▒▒is due in a month, and we’re super excited. I’m really gonna be a dad. Fuck, this the scariest, best thing to ever happe▒▒▒ow did Dad raise 3 of us??▒▒???

22 September  
Sally is really sick.▒▒’m really scared. 

23 September  
I don’t know ▒f I can handle being a dad alon▒▒ 

26 September  
The doc can’t ▒ ok me in the eye. I’m not leaving her side these days. Even right now, ▒ I write, I’m holding her hand. It’s a ▒▒ ward and if she was awake right now, I thi ▒ k she’d laugh at me.   
Fuck, i’d give my right leg right now just to hear her laugh… 

11 October   
F ▒ or ▒▒ as born yesterday, and Sally survive ▒ Doc says she's already showing signs of impr ▒▒ ments. My little champion (Flor ▒▒as ▒▒▒s like her mom, and loud lungs and eyes like her dad. I think my heart may explode (with love) ▒▒!!!!   
Also, a new person moved in last week. Some gu ▒▒ amed Jack Manifold. I know he’ ▒▒m portant to the community as a whole, right now, but honestly, Flo ▒▒▒ s just so much more important.   
Sally is waking up now▒▒ye. 

* * *

By now, Fundy had pieced together a surprising amount of information he hadn’t expected to ever know, reading every page now as well. He knew that most of this was from the early days, with the latest page he’d read being just after his birth. 

He had taken a moment to allow warmth to fill his chest when he realized the ink spots over his deadname were deliberate, and clearly added much later than the rest of the writing. A cynical part of him argued it was just because Wilbur had hated him, laughing about his “traitorous bastard of a son”, towards the end of his days. He chose to ignore that thought, even as it twisted and settled in his gut. 

Fundy took a deep breath and continued. 

* * *

Oct 31  
Baby’s first ha▒▒ween!! 

Nov 7   
Sally’s birthday!!▒! 

Nov 24  
A letter fro ▒▒ ffy came. Apparently, there’ ▒▒ turf dispute going on and it’s rough. They other g ▒ ys have a small armada of really small ▒▒e ally fast ships and they’re lowkey ▒ etting their asses beat.   
Puf ▒▒▒ esn’t explicitly ask for Sally. But just by sending the letter, we all know she wants her to come ▒▒ k.   
I know i▒▒▒elfish but I need her here. F▒▒a needs her here. It’s been les▒ ▒han two months since she gave birth, for fuck’s sake! 

Nov 26   
I convinced her to st▒▒ntil springtime. Puffy may want her now, but I ▒ason that the weather will be tempera▒▒ntal at best right now and I doubt t▒▒▒ill be a lot of fighting since no one is immune to cold and low morale (as far as I kno▒▒ 

Dec 5  
Sally sits at the beach▒▒▒. I know she’s worried, but it’s worrying me how much▒▒e she spends alone

Dec 11  
We g▒▒nto a small fight. She’s goi▒▒▒o see Puffy the first chance she gets. So probably Februar▒▒▒arch. That’s usua▒▒when it stops snowing. 

Dec 23   
I decided I’m goi ▒▒▒ th her. Dad can watch F ▒▒a while we’re gone. And we won’t be gon ▒▒ or very long (I hope ▒. ▒▒ mmy adores her anyway so it shouldn’t be too much of a problem.   
I know I’m being selfish again, b ▒▒ in the state Sally is in right now, I can’t believe she’s going to be safe out there.  
Who knows? Maybe this w▒▒▒hing will be over by January. And then n▒ither of us will have to leave. 

Jan 16  
Fuck it’s so cold▒▒aby doesn’t like it

Feb 4   
Sallys still upset I’m coming with. She says that I hate sailing (true), I get seasick when there’s the slightest amount of rain (true), I always complain about how gross everything is (true), and how I was miserable last time (true), but she’s forgetting one thing: I love her. I always will love her. And I’d do anything for her and to keep her safe. 

March 10  
We▒eave in a week. I’m leaving this journal here. F▒▒r▒▒is safe. I made Sally promise wh▒▒autumn comes, we’ll return to land, whether the “war” is ove▒▒r not, if only for ▒▒▒▒’s sake. 

August 1  
 **Burn this book.**

* * *

It ended there. There was no more to the story. The rest of the pages were blank. Fundy flipped through them all anyway, searching desperately for what happened to his mother. What could possibly have happened? Why would Wilbur just write that and not explain? 

Frustration bubbled like foam over the rapidly rising desperation in his gut. Or maybe he was just about to vomit. 

It turned out to be both. 

After cleaning himself up, Fundy stared at himself in the mirror. Wilbur was right; they did have the same eyes. When they were building L’Manberg, it had made him proud. Under Schlatt’s reign, it had made him ashamed. Now, it was just frustrating. 

He didn’t realize his hands were shaking violently until the tube of toothpaste fell off the ceramic counter. His knuckles were white clutching the corners and he’d begun to hyperventilate. 

He forced himself to let go and take even breaths, trying to be rational and not have a panic attack. Slowly, he went to pick up the toothpaste. It slipped out of his hands as he went to stand, still shaking, and skittered a bit on the floor. 

Fundy stared at it for a long moment, half crouched in a way that made his tired hamstrings scream, hands frozen how they were when the damned thing had fallen from his grip, and then… he broke. 

In the morning—was it really morning if the sun was so high in the sky?—Fundy had come to a decision: He had to talk to Phil. He had to know what happened. 


	2. and  i don't deserve you (you deserve the world)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> title: Your Sister was Right by Wilbur Soot

* * *

_ God bless Tubbo _ , Fundy thought to himself as he stepped through the nether portal. When he’d gone to the president to ask for more time off, the moment he mentioned a lead about his mother, Tubbo was urging him to take as much time as he needed. It had taken weight off his shoulders he hadn’t realized were weighing on him. 

Immediately, he shuddered as he was blasted with freezing air. Going from the blistering, stagnant heat of Hell to the frigid, windy cold of the tundra would alway give him sensory whiplash, he thought bemusedly. 

He dropped his backpack and immediately began to unpack it. It had his jacket, gloves, and hat in it, as well as some food and a knife in the event Phil wasn’t home and Techno tried to drive him off his property. Oh, and it had the journal and necklace. 

Once his warm clothes were on, he began to trek towards where he remembered the cottage being from his time in the Butcher Army. 

Standing at Technoblade’s door and knocking was officially one of the single most suspenseful moments in Fundy’s entire life. His knife felt like a weight in his pocket, having moved after he realized how hard it would be to open his bag and fish it out if Techno opened swinging. 

After what felt like an eternity, even though he was pretty sure it wasn’t longer than 60 seconds, he pressed his ear to the door. There was distant noise inside, but nothing close to the door. So, he knocked again. 

Another minute passed and nothing. 

He knocked much harder, making the side of his fist ache slightly. He also knocked for much longer, his movements speeding up as more time went on. 

Finally,  _ finally,  _ the door swung open, and Fundy accidentally bopped the person in front of him. 

They yelped and immediately held their head. For one terrifying second, Fundy thought he just bopped Technoblade. But then his eyes adjusted to the new light and he relaxed. It was just Tommy, thank Prime. 

Wait,  _ shit _ ! He bopped Tommy!

Immediately, apologies were spilling out of his mouth. “Oh Prime! I’m so sorry, Tommy! I didn’t mean to! No one was answering so I got really into knocking, and then I didn’t register that you had opened the door. I really, really didn’t mean to do that. Seriously, I was just really in my head, and I don’t—” 

Tommy cut him off with a huff and pointed look, still rubbing his forehead. “Yeah, I get it, Fundy.” He rolled his eyes slightly. “What are you doing here? Doesn’t Techno kinda, y’know, wanna gut you?” 

Fundy forced himself to take a deep breath. “Yeah, I think so. But, I…” He pulled his backpack around and fumbled through it. He pulled out the leatherbound journal and presented it to him. “I need to talk to Phil.” 

Tommy raised his eyebrow and frowned. He slowly took the book and flipped it open. Immediately he paled and nearly threw it back at him. He looked shaken and the two stared at each other for a long moment. 

“Tommy,” Fundy whispered, desperate, “please.” 

“Tommy!” Techno called from deeper in the house, and Fundy tensed. He was clearly moving towards them. “Who the hell is at the door! This place is supposed to be secr—oh, it’s you.” 

Fundy’s ears were pressed flat against his head. “Hi,” He said weakly, giving a slight wave. 

Techno looked him over once, and then looked Tommy over. Tommy was still dazed, staring at Fundy. In one easy motion, Techno guided Tommy behind him and stepped forward, towering over Fundy. “I will give you 30 seconds to get off of my property,” He said calmly, “Since that's how long it’ll take me to get a sword.” 

Fundy gulped and leaned back. His instincts were screaming at him to run.  _ This was a bad idea. He shouldn’t have come. Horrible, horrible idea. Stupid, stupid fox…  _ He moved one foot back, ready to dart the second Techno turned away. 

Before either could move any more, though, Tommy grabbed Techno’s sleeve. “Stop,” He spoke softly, “Techno, stop it. He’s not hurting anyone.” 

“Tommy,” Techno glanced down at him, “Are you forgetting what he did to me? To Phil?” 

Tommy tore his eyes from Fundy to Techno. “No, I remember.” He straightened slightly. “But he’s here for good reason.” 

Techno tilted his head. “You’re vouching for him?” 

“Just this once.” He nodded. “And if he fucks it up, he’s all yours.” Tommy turned, then, and strode back into the house. 

Fundy and Techno watched him go, and then looked at each other. Techno clicked his tongue disapprovingly and stood to the side, motioning for Fundy to go inside. 

Fundy scrambled inside. “I, uhh… I need to talk to Phil,” He said as Techno closed the doors. He hovered his hands over a torch, trying to warm himself. 

“Alright. Hang your coat there. When you take off your shoes, put them on the mat.” Techno motioned as he spoke. “Then you can talk to Phil. But if he wants you gone, I don’t care about Tommy’s vouch: you’re out of here, be it through the nether portal or in a coffin.” 

Fundy gulped and nodded. 

Good news, Phil didn’t immediately want him gone. Or, at least, he didn’t say it if he did. 

So now, they sat in the pseudo-living room across from each other. Phil was sitting in a plush lazy-boy, drinking a cup of fresh tea. Fundy was sitting on the couch, just holding his own cup of tea in his hands, seeing as they were still dethawing and the tea was hot still. Techno was leaning on the kitchen counter maybe 10 feet behind Phil, with his eyes trained on Fundy. Tommy hadn’t stuck around, going and chilling in his room. 

Bad news, the air so thick with awkward tension, Fundy felt like he was suffocating. 

“So,” Phil exhaled softly behind his cup. 

Fundy immediately jumped to attention. “Right! So, my dad,” He set the warm cup down, and flipped open the notebook in his lap, “I found this, this… diary, I guess. It’s burned a bit, and some pages are missing, and some bits are blotted out.” He knew he was starting to fumble over his words, so to avoid that embarrassment, he stopped talking. 

“May I see?” Phil asked, leaning forward to set his cup down as well. 

“Yes.” Fundy nodded quickly. He closed the book and gingerly passed it to Phil. The necklace that had been found with it was still in his bag. 

Phil’s eyes softened when he opened the book. He ran his finger gingerly across the long-dried ink. Fundy sat silently and anxiously as Phil flipped through pages. Behind him, Techno hadn’t moved except to glance at the book as Fundy passed it. 

Finally,  _ finally _ , Phil closed the book. Fundy’s heart was still pounding in his chest and his eyes rapidly searched Phil’s face for  _ anything _ . In his head, he pleaded. 

Phil exhaled deeply and set the book back on the table and picked his cup back up. “What would you like to know?” He asked with far too much calmness. 

Fundy gawked at him for a second. “Everything!” 

Phil raised an eyebrow and Techno adjusted his stance. Fundy quickly checked himself. 

“I…” He swallowed thickly, “I know next to nothing about my mother. My d- Wilbur, wouldn’t talk much about her. I know she was a salmon, and that he loved her, and that she’s not in my life anymore, and that she loved the ocean, which doesn’t really make sense because salmon aren’t salt-water fish.” 

That drew a quiet chortle out of Techno, making Fundy jump. 

Phil didn’t seem to notice as he nodded sagely. “First, your mother wasn’t a fish—” 

—now, it sounds dumb, but that alone made Fundy feel like his world was falling apart, because that was the only concrete thing he thought he knew about her—

“She was a… how do I say this politely… a high-seas explorer,” Phil continued. 

“A pirate,” Techno interjected. 

Fundy stared at them. “What?” His voice cracked. 

Techno rolled his eyes and Phil shook his head sympathetically. 

“Yes, your mother was a pirate,” Phil conceded, “But she and Wilbur did love each other very much and they loved you just as much, if not more.” 

“Then why did I think she was a salmon!” Fundy shrieked, shock running thick in his veins. 

A heavy silence settled and it became clear Phil wasn’t telling him something. He still stared at him expectantly. 

“It’s complicated,” Phil said finally, “But the short answer is, that was her ‘pirate nickname’. Because she was fast, habitual, and her fur had a pinkish hue.” 

“Fur?” 

“Yes,” Phil was gazing into space, staring at nothing as he remembered, smiling ever so slightly, “She was a fox hybrid. That’s where you get it from.” 

“Oh.” Fundy reached up and touched his ears, suddenly filled with pride at this small connection. Another silence settled as he processed this. It was far more patient than the last silence had been. 

Finally, Fundy spoke again, “What happened to her, then?” He looked up at them both, searching again for any information. 

Phil sat his now empty cup down, returning his focus to Fundy. Techno easily swooped in to bring it to the sink. “It’s complicated.” 

“I’m an adult, Philza,” Fundy snapped, “I can handle it.” 

Phil stared intensely at him for a moment before nodding once. “Fair enough. Keep in mind, I don’t know the specifics.” 

Fundy nodded once. 

“Her and Wilbur had more or less settled down after you were born. But, a letter came that Sally’s ship, or group or whatever, had gotten into a turf war or something. They needed her back running everything, because she was the  _ best _ . 

“Wilbur convinced her to wait until you were a bit older and the weather wasn’t as testy, and he demanded that he come with. I don’t think he could handle the anxiety that she was out in danger without him.

“Anyway, when the day came, Me and Techno saw them off. See, we would be ‘babysitting’ you until they got back. It was just for the summer. They would be back before your first birthday, Wilbur swore his life on it. I think Sally was trying to be a bit more realistic, in the sense that the ‘war’ takes as long as it takes, but Wilbur wasn’t having it. But when he reminded her it’s for your sake, she easily agreed.”

Something akin to warmth filled Fundy’s chest at the mental image of Wilbur and Sally doing everything they can just to be around him, even when they’re forced to leave. 

Phil continued, “This is where it gets confusing and unclear. So, they left in the spring. Techno, Tommy, and I took care of you during the summer. Then, in August, we got an emergency letter from Puffy that something had happened and that I should come immediately and there were coordinates. So, I tell Tommy and Techno to stay with you, because the coords weren’t too far and I don’t know what I’m walking into. 

“Techno demanded to come, though. So, Tommy stayed with you, and Techno and I left. Again, I don’t know what happened or why, but all I know for sure, was that we were too late,” —behind him, Techno’s eyes were trained on the floor, his expression pinched— “When we arrived, Sally was gone. Puffy said that Wilbur hadn’t left her side since whatever happened, happened. That he still hadn’t left her side.

“I had to step in, pry him away from her body. Again, no one would tell me what happened, but I could tell her death wasn’t a graceful one. Wilbur was hysterical and I almost had to knock him out to get him to stop. The only way he stopped was when Techno stepped in; he held him and reminded him of you. That you still needed him, even if Sally was gone. Then, and only then, did he let us guide him out.

“The next day, we burned her body in a nearby field. There was no way to bring her body home, and she didn’t have any family anyway. Wilbur didn’t come. No one could get him to leave him room. But, Techno and Puffy put some of her ashes in a small vial for him, and the rest was put in a sealed urn.” 

Suddenly, the necklace in his bag made so much more sense. Fundy jumped forward to pull said necklace out. “Is it… is it this?” He asked, holding it out to Phil. 

Phil’s eyes widened. “I don’t… Techno, is this the necklace?” 

Techno looked up and strode over. He crouched down to examine it. After about 10 seconds, his eyes softened. “Yeah, this is her ashes.” His voice was uncharacteristically emotional, even with his quiet monotone. 

Fundy felt like he had been punched. He thought the vial had been just sand. He hadn’t thought about it deeply, clearly. But, this is mother, or at least, what’s left of her. He opened his mouth to say something but it just came out choked. 

While Fundy was distracted with his own thoughts, Techno had moved to sit on the floor next to Phil’s chair instead of back in the kitchen. 

“Fundy,” Phil’s voice cut through his haze and he looked up at him, “Are you okay?” 

Fundy nodded jerkily, feeling tears prick his eyes. He held the necklace close to his chest now. 

Many long minutes passed with the three of them just sitting there. Fundy was processing all of the new information while Techno and Phil remembered how horrible Wilbur had looked those days after her death. 

It was so quiet, they could hear Tommy moving around in his bedroom. 

After about 15 minutes of this, Fundy sniffled and looked back at Phil. “Wh-... why did… why didn’t Wilbur tell me any of this? Why did he lie and say she was a fish?” Fury was added to the churning mix of emotion in his gut. 

Techno turned his head so his face was hidden and Phil sighed, not looking at either of them. 

“Wilbur… he didn’t talk, after her death. Even after we got home, he wouldn’t speak. He would barely see you either. He would only hold you, if we handed you to him. And even then, he would just stare at you with a blank expression. It was like all the life in him left with Sally. He only ate when we explicitly asked him to and I don’t think he slept.” Phil took a shaky breath, letting his eyes slide closed. 

“Then,” he continued, “One night, he went into his room, and when he came out, he was fine. He was talking, eating, asking where you were, playing with you, trying to banter with us… like nothing happened. And after a few days, Tommy asked him about Sally over dinner. None of us had dared mention her name around him before that. But Wilbur,” He paused and wiped his eyes on his sleeve, “Wilbur just smiled and said that she had had to swim upstream with her family. When we asked for clarification, as in, why would she do that, he laughed. Prime above, we hadn’t heard him laugh in months. He laughed and said, ‘that’s what salmons do, they swim in rivers’. When we asked more, he grew concerned, like we were the ones who’d lost it. He explained that Sally was a literal salmon that he had had a fox-hybrid child with, not at all questioning the science of it.” 

Fundy felt like crying all over again. 

“He broke,” Techno added, voice gruff, “Whatever happened to her, it was too much for him. His mind rewrote her in his memory, so he could survive. So he could be a father to you. Tommy found that book in the fireplace the night before he broke, I didn’t know he kept it though.” 

Phil laughed wetly. “That was Wilbur, though. Always trying to care for his family by whatever means necessary.” 

Fundy forced himself not to think about that too hard. 

Next time Fundy saw Ghostbur, they were in L’Manburg. Ghostbur had Friend on a lead and he was sitting in the grass feeding them hay. His laughter carried through the wind. 

When he saw Fundy watching, he grinned and waved wildly, shouting greetings that didn’t reach Fundy’s ears. 

The necklace hanging over his heart was heavy as Fundy raised his hand and hesitantly waved back. 

But, it lightened a bit when Ghostbur positively beamed back at him.

* * *

**Author's Note:**

> this is part 1 of a big series that I've been working on! shout out to Spooky for weeping over all my ideas: this work is in their honor since their tears are what motivated me to finish this! so definitely check them out!


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